The Life Long Bullying

If you are a person who is fat (yes, I am being brutal but you don’t have to feel bad, I am too) and reading this, I would like you to share this with all the people who do not lose a single change to point that out to you.

If you are woman, born, raised and married in an Indian family, I understand how difficult it is. Because there is an address pressures of being a trophy wife, smart, slim, good cook and who takes care of the household and most of all, does not complain.

To all the supposedly ‘fit’ people out there who like to impart the their so called wisdom to the people who do not have the privilege of a nice, appealing and lean body, let me tell you to STOP right there, because you have no idea what that person you were just taunting or “giving some advice” is going through. That person can be anyone, your son, friend, sister or a stranger.

Let me share you my life’s struggle and if that does not open your eyes, you to take a reality check on your sense of humanity. I am taking my example because, I have been struggling with my weight and constant reminders do not help. It is a cycle of despair and even the smallest of comments make a big impacts on the mind of a fat person.

I was born a very chubby child 28 years ago and I was really cute till I was a toddler. But I started being referred to as FAT when I was in grade 3. That’s a 9 year old child. I’m sure you would be thinking it’s too young for being called fat. Well that shows how children are being raised, especially in India, where they learn to make fun of their peers from that young an age just because someone looks different.

Anyway, teen is the worst age, and mine was even more difficult. Because I was FAT. Like other girls in the school, it’s not that my parents could not afford branded clothing for me, but, my size was never available. And I mean NEVER. Sales persons would say, “We don’t have your size”, and then smirk the moment I would turn around to leave. They were not even sorry about it.

And this brings us to college life where everyone gets some freedom and has a crush or two. I had too. But no one ever asked me out. Why? Because I was fat.

Now, if you think that this was enough pressure on a person for a lifetime, add the constant reminders from the whole family and friends and even strangers telling you to lose weight, become thin, stop eating etc etc.

If that is not enough, add the passersby on the road, who does not know you, but just for fun, will call out “Fattie”. Yup, just for fun.

By the time I was 25, I had tried gym, crash diets, games, swimming, meditation, yoga, you name it and I have done it. And my friends can give you the account of effort I put in each of these things.

Then came a point in my life where I became even more fat and that was the time when my parents started looking for potential grooms for me (happens with every fat girl, the pressure of loosing good prospects because you are fat, because SIZE MATTERS). People did not want to see the person in me, because they saw that I was fat.

I took up a diet plan from a well-known dietician and started following her. I lost a lot of weight. 25 kgs in 6 months. My entire family was in shock at the kind of change I had brought to myself. For the first time in my 25 years of life I felt accepted. I actually felt good. However, my body could not sustain it for longer than a year and half. As much as I liked that that diet, it was a little impractical and I starved myself on some occasions.

This was the time when I met my husband. He is a person of rational thinking and that is what drew me to him. I got married and 6 months later, as much hard as I tried, I kept on gaining weight. People will say that it was because that I was married, I didn’t care. Ask my husband about that. How I nagged him to start eating healthy, looking for healthy options and working out.

But I guess we were happy together and did not care how we looked from outside. I had a nervous breakdown last week when my limit to take the taunts of being fat had crossed its saturation and I did not eat solid food for 30 hours. I explained my state of mind to my husband, and he understood and now supports me and is helping me in my life long struggle.

We all earn to eat. We are alive because we eat. If you make a person feel about something, doing which makes them feel good, you are a mean bully.


A mind game:

I will give you a mind exercise if you really want to understand. Close your eyes and think about a flaw that you have since you were a child and which is not your fault but you want it to change for good.

Now that you have thought about it, you just admitted that it is a flaw.

Now think about the efforts you have made to change it. Imagine that it goes away and comes back after some time. How will you feel? Depressed? Correct.

Now think of a fat person. Yes, they see in the mirror they are fat. They have done everything to cure it (even though it is not an illness, but the who they are) and nothing worked. Think about their state of mind after a life of constant failures and that followed by constant reminders about how ugly you look.

Maybe your flaw is hidden, and no one can see it. Fatness, everyone can see. The whole world. You cannot even start to imagine the state of mind of a fat person and the stress they have for just being the way they are.

I read on an article online, emphasize, not criticize.

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